Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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