I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize
