please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
you made out with another girl for some wings
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize