Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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