I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
