No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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