I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
