it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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