Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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