i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize