I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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