I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
