Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
