he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize