he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
