you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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