she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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