That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
