I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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