So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
