you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
