You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
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