how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
