i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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