Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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