Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
