I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think people are normalizing furries
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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