Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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