apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
