i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
