Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
