I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
