How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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