Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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