So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize