I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Boobs are out for the taking
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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