she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
