Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
