i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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