Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
