I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
