Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
