I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
