Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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