he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
