so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I woke up under a house in Key West
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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