I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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