it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
