even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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