just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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