I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
