i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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