I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
