We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
