life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Randomize