She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
