Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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