Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
