I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
