wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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