You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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