Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
