I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
