Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
farters have to be the big spoon...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
