so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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