Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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