its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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