The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I need a beard to bite.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
