Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize