remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
