I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
