its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
