I have demons in me.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
