You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
