I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
