If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
