I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
